This past week was one of the most stressful weeks ever & this week isn't going to be any better. I've never been the person in control of a big project, and writing, directing, managing, and acting all in one big project has proven to be...frustrating, to say the least. First day of shooting was Sunday, and while it was a lot of fun, it was frustrating in more ways then one. I am incredibly thankful for all the people helping me on this project, my only problem with them is that they don't have ESP and know exactly what I'm trying to tell them I want. I kept wanting to take the cameras and frame it myself, but didn't want to offend my friends that were kind enough to help me out and run camera. I was frustrated with my performance, too. My mind was in a million places: shots, timing, no extras showed up...I feel my performance suffered a bit. Hopefully, editing magic will help. I love editing, so much. It changes how I feel about everything. We have one more day to shoot the big scene of the film at the location and we have SO SO SO much to cover...&recover. I'm worried we won't get everything & I don't know what to compromise. I'll be spending the rest of the week going through footage and rescheduling the shot list and paying people to come be extras...apparently free cake isn't enough incentive.
My short project for this class is going to be completely different than what I have been working on the past few weeks. I will film that project eventually this semester, but I waited until the last three weeks to try to get people to help & be extras. I never got anyone to agree to be extras, weather wouldn't cooperate, no one was available to film...After everything fell through before, I finally had a plan for shooting Monday (yesterday) with Brittany Paul and of course, it rained. SO, I spent the day figuring out what I can do. It's not the best quality, but I guess it will have to do for now. I'm more concerned with my narrative being in the middle of shooting. I know it's no excuse...but I've learned to give myself more time, don't wait till last minute, don't wait until everything happens at once, and don't feel bad about asking people to help.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
don't talk about money..
It has taken me two days to write and rewrite this blog. I always have trouble putting my thoughts and feelings into words, but money has always been a delicate and heavy subject so I'm trying to express myself the best I can.
Money & I have an interesting relationship. My family is in banking. Yes, the whole family. My whole family's income comes from the bank that my great grandaddy started in 1939, and the stock market. When I was younger, I was really confused about how I was supposed to feel about money. My momma told me not to talk about money, so I assumed that meant it was bad, but it couldn't be that bad if my dad is in the business of money, right? The banker is always portrayed as the big "bad guy"...my dad cannot be the "bad guy" because he's myyy daddy. I'm from a very small town where a lot of family owned businesses were prominent, and once my friends and I got old enough to put names to places (but not old enough to know better) things got interesting. About 3rd or 4th grade or so, I remember some friends throwing, "You're rich, your dad owns a bank!" at me and it holding a lot of negative weight. It never helped that I wouldn't spend much lunch money, so I hoarded one dollar bills in my wallet until it would explode when I unzipped it. I got so fed up one day with a friend's remarks that I took a dollar out and tore it up to show them that money means nothing to me. No, I didn't realize that was illegal and no, I didn't realize that it was stupid. I was like, 8 years old, give me a break. So growing up I didn't really know what to think...all outside sources told me money was bad, but my dad is a good man so I knew it couldn't be so bad. Plus, I liked having my own to spend on ring pops and Doritos on the weekend bike excursions to the gas station with my friends.
As I got older, things changed. Kids throwing silly things around when they don't fully understand is one thing...it's another when teenage friends or adults try to take advantage of you or come to you for serious help because you have access to it.
I had a friend that I had not talked to in months call and ask me for a $500 "loan" to fix a car she wrecked while her personal car was being fixed. And when I found out she had not called any of her actual close friends, just me, I knew why.
One morning senior year, I was walking into my highschool when the custodian, Mr. Leon, stopped me and pulled me aside to talk. He told me about an issue he was having financially and wanted me to call my dad at home to see if there was anything he could do for him. I called my dad and listened to Mr. Leon explain his problem. His youngest son had cancer and the costs of treatments were way too much. Our school always had fundraisers for the family, but the boy needed to go to Charleston for some kind of test and Mr. Leon needed help with a loan. He asked my dad if there was anything he could do. I had to face the father of a child with cancer as my daddy had to tell them there was nothing he could do. I was heartbroken, guilt striken, and angry at my dad for not helping him. I later learned and understood there was nothing he could do through the bank, but he personally helped out later.
My feelings on money are not all negative, I'd actually say they're overall positive. My feelings vary based on how money is handled by people and how they react to it.
I go by this...
Ecclesiastes 10:19, "A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes merry: but money answers all things."
1 Timothy 6:10 "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
These are two verses I've heard in my life too many times to count. So, money answers all things, but the love of money is the root of all evil. I think money can do great things when handled with the right attitude and responsibly. My feelings are overall positive for now...might change a little when I'm paying for absolutely everything and a month comes around when I can't pay rent or afford my groceries...but I won't let it get the best of me.
Money & I have an interesting relationship. My family is in banking. Yes, the whole family. My whole family's income comes from the bank that my great grandaddy started in 1939, and the stock market. When I was younger, I was really confused about how I was supposed to feel about money. My momma told me not to talk about money, so I assumed that meant it was bad, but it couldn't be that bad if my dad is in the business of money, right? The banker is always portrayed as the big "bad guy"...my dad cannot be the "bad guy" because he's myyy daddy. I'm from a very small town where a lot of family owned businesses were prominent, and once my friends and I got old enough to put names to places (but not old enough to know better) things got interesting. About 3rd or 4th grade or so, I remember some friends throwing, "You're rich, your dad owns a bank!" at me and it holding a lot of negative weight. It never helped that I wouldn't spend much lunch money, so I hoarded one dollar bills in my wallet until it would explode when I unzipped it. I got so fed up one day with a friend's remarks that I took a dollar out and tore it up to show them that money means nothing to me. No, I didn't realize that was illegal and no, I didn't realize that it was stupid. I was like, 8 years old, give me a break. So growing up I didn't really know what to think...all outside sources told me money was bad, but my dad is a good man so I knew it couldn't be so bad. Plus, I liked having my own to spend on ring pops and Doritos on the weekend bike excursions to the gas station with my friends.
As I got older, things changed. Kids throwing silly things around when they don't fully understand is one thing...it's another when teenage friends or adults try to take advantage of you or come to you for serious help because you have access to it.
I had a friend that I had not talked to in months call and ask me for a $500 "loan" to fix a car she wrecked while her personal car was being fixed. And when I found out she had not called any of her actual close friends, just me, I knew why.
One morning senior year, I was walking into my highschool when the custodian, Mr. Leon, stopped me and pulled me aside to talk. He told me about an issue he was having financially and wanted me to call my dad at home to see if there was anything he could do for him. I called my dad and listened to Mr. Leon explain his problem. His youngest son had cancer and the costs of treatments were way too much. Our school always had fundraisers for the family, but the boy needed to go to Charleston for some kind of test and Mr. Leon needed help with a loan. He asked my dad if there was anything he could do. I had to face the father of a child with cancer as my daddy had to tell them there was nothing he could do. I was heartbroken, guilt striken, and angry at my dad for not helping him. I later learned and understood there was nothing he could do through the bank, but he personally helped out later.
My feelings on money are not all negative, I'd actually say they're overall positive. My feelings vary based on how money is handled by people and how they react to it.
I go by this...
Ecclesiastes 10:19, "A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes merry: but money answers all things."
1 Timothy 6:10 "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
These are two verses I've heard in my life too many times to count. So, money answers all things, but the love of money is the root of all evil. I think money can do great things when handled with the right attitude and responsibly. My feelings are overall positive for now...might change a little when I'm paying for absolutely everything and a month comes around when I can't pay rent or afford my groceries...but I won't let it get the best of me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Quit monkeying around...
"What's your theoretical spirit animal?"
This question kind of makes me want to hide my head in a hole...like an ostrich. But that's not my spirit animal.
Deep down in the depths of my deep end, I feel my spirit animal is a little monkey, like the cute ones in the circus or that used to perform on the street with the men with the music boxes. Also, I think I perform best when I don't have to speak...& monkeys can't talk so...Pretty sure that's me: wide-eyed and bumbling around trying to entertain anyone watching. I'm either that...or a unicorn.
Alright...I know that wasn't the "correct" answer, but I'm going to be painfully honest. When I read things for classes, papers, etc. I tend to not pay attention to names. I read and take what I need/want & move on. Ignorant ass-hat table for one, please. And I'm not going to read through my bibliography or the other books I have lying around to put up the front of a good student on this blog. If it didn't stick with me, I need to make myself read it again anyway. I will go back and read everything I rush-read through for my paper, but I can't say I would pick up Foucault by my own free will at this point.
As one side of my mind scolds me for being a complete and total moron, the other side is trying to justify my ignorance and here is what it came up with...zilch. It all just comes down to performance for me. My biggest influences in anything I do are performers: Judy Garland, Lucille Ball, Fran Drescher, Carol Burnett, to name a few, and I learn by watching. Yes, I read books on my own, but only after I've been captivated by something from the performance aspect. I know, I will read more on the internet & media and I will be a better person for it...but one of my focuses is women in comedy and I believe you learn that best by watching the greats, taking note.
Please don't fail me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)