Rotten to the Core - Week 3

I've always been a bit conflicted about calling myself an "artist". I'm someone who takes others' opinions probably too seriously for my own good. A couple of years ago, I found myself in an identity crisis when I realized I had no substantial opinions of my own that were not influenced heavily by others around me. I felt lost, but thanks to a rocky relationship with a hardheaded boy, I learned to stand up for myself and to form and state my own opinions with no apologies. Before my awakening, so to speak, I would let people tell me what was art and what was not...based on their own opinions. And because of that, I believed "art" could only be paintings, drawings, etc, experimental films, serious/moody films, & documentaries...& an "artist" had to look unkempt, starving, and have no family or social life because they only eat, sleep, and breathe their "art". I've learned differently since, artist come in all shapes, sizes, and smells, and now I hold my perspective as one of my core values. I believe I have a unique outlook on things and I'd like to share it. I will stay true to myself and reflect that in my art.
Along with that, my faith is very important to me. I am a Christian, and though my art is not "preachy", I will never, ever create/work on anything disrespectful to God.
At the core of it all, I just simply want to make people laugh or fascinate them. Temporarily pluck the audience out of their world and invite them into the one I've created. I don't want to spark any type of arguement or debate or make people think about anything, honestly. Call me shallow, "the problem with the world today", whatever, but that's where I am in my life right now. I'll get into the serious stuff when I'm, like, 40.

Week 2: Approval Needed

I have the worst taste in my mouth. Never put your finger in your mouth after using fingernail polish remover...& never drink milk after that. SICK. But that has nothing to do with anything at all. Just my stupidity, which has everything to do with why I feel like I'm failing everything when everything has hardly begun.
I've been told your early twenties suck and I'm starting to understand. "Not a girl, not yet a woman" syndrome, I suppose. Apparently, you're expected to function as a full fledged adult with an immaculate apartment, filled out planner, a well-trained dog, a steady relationship, and your shopping habit under control. Sadly, I don't know that I can check any of those suckers off. This week left me feeling like a giant disappointment to my parents. All I've been able to think about is my personal life and it's problems and how to better myself. And then it hits me (late, of course), "Oh my gosh...I need to work on my projects! That's how I'll do better! I'll make a really awesome project, & my parents still won't understand me but at least they'll be impressed & I will feel better!" & then it hits me again, "What am I doing this for, the art or the approval of others? What is my purpose? Should I be doing this?" I mull over these thoughts while scrolling through my favorite online store until I find a cute dress that will make everything all better...I will never have my online shopping habit under control. It's a bad, bad cycle.
Anyway, while looking at outfits and style boards online, I found one that inspired a character for my thesis film. After I realized I was inspired by a fashion post on Pinterest, I felt obnoxiously girly and sick at my materialistic habits. I looked at my vanity covered in make-up and 8 bottles of perfume and wanted to scream at myself for becoming the girl I always said I'd never be, but then I got an idea. My [current idea for my] thesis film will be about a dark side of materialism: obsession with make-up, fashion, and perfume. Boom. Take my personal problem and turn it into something worthwhile.
I'm thinking for my short project in this class I will do a silent comedic video. Just physical comedy.

Who, what, when, where, why?

Hello. My name is Alex Anderson. I'm a small town girl with big dreams...yeah, like you've never heard THAT before. I'm a 22 year old girl without a clue, but I somehow managed to bumble my way through undergrad at USC (on Dean's list every semester no less). I've never been able decide whether I'm not giving myself enough credit, or if my teachers are just really generous. I never feel I know exactly what I'm talking about, and the people I'm talking to can usually tell. I've never been the best bluffer...or bullshitter. If I don't know anything about something, I'm done. So, I'm done with this paragraph.

I initially decided to go to grad school to prolong my transition into the "real world". It honestly was a last minute decision that came about after an arguement with a friend. I've never been the best at making decisions. Guilty. All of my biggest (& best) decisions have been made on a whim or last minute. I decided on grad school here because, well, I was here already. I just wasn't ready to leave Columbia. I was comfortable here. I was just starting to feel like I was where I belong. I had fallen in love with the media arts department and the people in it, and I just wasn't ready to leave it all yet. Also, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was ill-prepared for the real world. Not because my school didn't prepare me, but because I didn't take advantage of as many outside projects as I should have. I did some projects outside of school, but none I felt were substantial enough to add to a reel or resume. Over the next three semesters, I aim to create respectable pieces of art and etc. etc....okay, I just want to make a great comedic short film and another awesome short film to put on the internet to showcase what I can do, so I can hopefully get a job and survive in this cruel, cruel world.

Right now, what is keeping me up at night is: ideas for my thesis, how to go about putting myself out on the internet, what is funny? Character ideas, shot ideas, locations, actors, CAN I PULL THIS OFF? How will this project dictate what I do next?